Three Ways to Live at Ease

Everyone who is born dies someday. In that sense, being alive isn't that big a deal. But living "well and at ease" takes a surprising amount of thought and energy.

After more than 30 years of living, I've ended up with a philosophy of my own. I might add to it over time, but I don't think I'll take anything away. Here are the three parts of it.

1. Be a fatalist

Even without bringing religion into it, I believe every situation happens for a good reason and with a good purpose. My reasoning is pretty simple. I think of life as one connected story, like a ball of yarn where every strand runs into the next. If I tie the first knot well, I believe the next ones will usually hold too. Of course, there have been countless moments when it didn't feel that way at all. But I "just" believe that someday it will all come together into something beautiful.

Forcing yourself to look on the bright side is exhausting, though. Luckily, I'm a pretty unbothered person (I think?), so I tend to shrug and move on with "eh, it'll work out."

That's why the people I can't stand most are cynics. By cynics I mean the people who are always negative, always critical, always pouring cold water on things. Nobody knows the future anyway, and nobody can fully make sense of the present. So what? Life only moves forward. There's no reverse gear. Even thinking that way is barely enough, so being cynical on top of it is pretty inefficient. Sadly, I think cynics are a type of person who does nothing for humanity.

Here's Conan O'Brien's message for the cynics:

"Nobody in life gets exactly what they thought they were going to get. But if you work really hard and you're kind, amazing things will happen."

2. Treat everyone like an NPC

Every so often I joke to my wife, "Everyone walking by is an NPC, and there's a good chance you're one too." She fires right back: "That's usually what an NPC would say."

The same goes for the world. Nobody knows how it's actually put together or how it runs. In the end, I think it comes down to how I choose to see it.

Sure, the NPC theory is 99% a joke, but there might be a 1% chance it's true. That isn't the point, though. The point is that if I think of other people as NPCs, it follows that I don't need to be all that affected by them.

Elon Musk talks about simulation theory. Whether it's real or not doesn't matter.

Personally, I think this attitude matters a lot and brings a lot of happiness. Some people say the happiest world is one where everyone gets along. To put it in extreme terms, I don't want to get along with "everyone." I want the people who share my values to do well together, and I don't care much how the people who don't share them live.

You can't tell whether the person in front of you shares your values until you've gone all the way with them. We meet so many people, and if we gave each one our full effort, we'd burn out. So if you just treat everyone as an NPC by default, I believe you can live this life comfortably with the least amount of energy.

In an interview, someone asked Elon Musk why he posts controversial things on Twitter when it only makes his life harder. Free speech matters, I get that, but sometimes I wonder whether it's really worth it. Elon answered:

Offer me money and power? I don't care.

I think pushing ahead with an "I don't care" attitude, whatever happens, is a pretty good way to be.

Ever since I was very young, death has felt less scary to me than it has felt like a loss. I especially think time when you're young is worth more than time when you're older. You should treat every moment like a diamond. Life is that short. Even filling it only with moments I'm happy with wouldn't be enough, so it's a waste of my life to spend it worrying about other people.

In the end, you go through life on your own. Once you part ways with the person in front of you, you'll almost never see them again. That doesn't mean you should treat them badly. That's a waste of energy too. Just let it be and don't pay it any mind. Focus on yourself.

3. Have hunger

If being a fatalist and treating people like NPCs are closer to letting go, hunger is close to the opposite. What they have in common is that all of the energy is pointed at me, not at the outside world.

Fatalism is about "my" fate. The NPC mindset is about not caring about anyone except "me." Hunger is energy focused on "me" too.

Hunger is what lets you push that energy up to an explosive level.

A while back I watched an EO video (EO is a Korean YouTube channel about startups) featuring Seungyoon Lee, who founded Radish, a web fiction platform in the US. The editing made it feel a little too emotional for my taste, but the core message was clear. He graduated from Oxford and then spent seven years building the company, going through one hellish moment after another. I imagine most of it wasn't epic battles. It was more like walking through a dark, unglamorous tunnel of money problems and trust issues with employees. That kind of thing is probably even harder.

Nobody knows when or how life will work out. That's why we need to build our own footing to improve our odds. I believe hunger is the spark that sets things off, the force that concentrates all the energy inside me into one place.

Fatalist → "The future is going to be bright. No matter what."

NPC mindset → "For that bright future, let's spend all my energy on myself."

Hunger → "And let's make that energy ten times bigger."

I believe that if you live this way, you can live relatively "well and at ease."

Originally written in Korean on Brunch, January 28, 2025.